The day started as an open day --- nothing on the calendar. After the morning routine, I added making biscuits for breakfast (and the freezer). Good old Bisquick based buttermilk biscuits! Knew I had to get stuff done for SHARE (the FAQ's) and I wanted to get Lee to edit what I had written. I also knew I needed Carol's consultation to be ready for Couples Club next week. Everything is set for Jarrod to help me on Wednesday and Thursday.
Called Alan and Carol -- they were home, and I went over to spend some time with them talking about the recipes I wanted to use, and reviewing the "tradition" that everyone was expecting. Besides getting ready for hosting, there was the just plain fun of visiting with the two of them. Both of them are so sharing and affirmative.
After getting back home, I called Dan to see if he could help me with getting the Website migrated over to another server. He was in St. Pete at the time -- suggested I call Blaine R. since he has at least two of his own websites, and has a lot of experience in that venue. Called Blaine -- he was at the TOSC, so I jumped in the car, went over there, and visited with him for a couple of hours, talking about the website in between calls. He is going to look over the site on the server, see if he can determine what will be involved in the migration. He also talked about an alternative change in the website -- one that made a lot of sense. He gave me two URLs to look at that would open up the concept he was talking about. We ended with some tentative discussion of perhaps working together in accomplishing this "next level" in the life of the site -- it would at least give me an unexplored dimension in this new life business.
Got home, returned the call to Lee -- he wanted to give me the results of his edit on the FAQ's. I took those, looked over the copy one more time, made some changes, and got the document off to Dea at SHARE. Fixed me supper, watched the news, and somewhat settled down for the evening. As I ate, I realized how much I was missing the kind of interaction I had during the day.
Strangely, I found all kinds of muscle and touch memories cycling for notice and attention. Just the smallest indication (from TV or what I was also reading) could trigger the reality that certain touches, hugs, kisses and tactile feelings would never again be duplicated in the same way. The loss train was running full steam. I didn't try to analyze, or trace history, and even question what was happening. It was a peculiar kind of comfort in letting the pain of the loss be real and experience it, and then move on. Don't have any interest in investigating causes or effects -- I'm just aware that the experience was a little less painful than when these waves have hit before, and that I now realize they are part of the fabric of my new life that is vibrantly rich.
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