Marcia did yeoman's work today sorting clothes, determining a destination for them, and staying alert to whether her work would precipitate another "grief attack". When she was showing me items for a decision about disposition, and where the "keepers" are, I was interested that I could quickly look at some of the items that were triggers yesterday, and today were just the object of a decision.
What is noticeable: the start of tears, the tight throat, and random sighs are just always below the surface, and while the feelings do not necessarily take form, there is no doubt that they are there. Just walking into my bedroom and looking at our family picture by the door, and the "rumble" starts. Or just thinking about Margaret, or seeing one of those very private reminders of "just us" will tighten my throat, my eyes get wet, and I am no longer looking outside myself, but running headlong down memory lane.
Marcia gave me good practice as we sorted some winter weight clothes - determining which ones were Margaret's Dad's, Margaret's, or mine -- and that was largely without reaction -- just decision. I think Marcia got the biggest kick when we went through a plastic bag of baby clothes that were once Marcia's and could now go to Allie.
Got most of the items on my to-do list got done -- tomorrow will be busy getting things taken care of that required businesses to be open. Marcia's plane leaves at 6 pm -- I anticipate tomorrow night's entry being well laced with separation anxiety, loneliness and gratitude for the weekend with Marcia. Maybe I'll take a walk in the mall on the way home from the airport.
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