When I found out about just a few of the changes coming to HRBlock, I wanted to know more. Somewhere in there was this nagging sense that there was more to it, for me, than just the changes that come down from Kansas City about this time each year. This morning I was clear that my safety place was going to be no more -- it will be closed in Sept. and moved. But right now, there is nothing certain about who will go where, and what changes there will be to the support mission.
My safety was not so much the place but the people in that place that have been my security blanket through all the agony and distress that surrounded Margaret's illness. There was that part of me that was about to get paniced! Where could I find that support and understanding. What would I have to do to gather such a diverse and skilled group together so at least I could be in their presence?
Had a long conversation with our Director of Operations. He is a really caring guy, and when I told him I was calling to assert that I wanted to be a part of whatever changes were being made, and part of the solution he responded so warmly and with such reassurance that I almost (not quite) felt silly for asking. (And that is one of the things I am working on -- asking for what I want just because I want it). The net result? Called George, my partner, and then got an email out to the entire TOSC team to let them know of some even greater changes that were already in place, and set a time when we could get together and hear about possibilities "from the horses mouth". Also got in touch with our surviving DM and tentatively set up a meeting with him -- to talk over my personal involvement in the changes that are occurring in the new district.
Well, I guess that is a good start in getting back in the saddle. Perhaps this was amplified by this evening being the Couple's Club meeting. My first time to be back with the group -- I missed the last two months. An important event because, though we had seen one another during that time, it was always in the context of an all consuming concern about what was happening to Margaret, and never is a group setting. This was also my first solo trip to a social group to which Margaret and I both belonged to and were placed in a quasi-leadership position. I walked to our host home, got there early, and was so warmly greeted that I wondered why I had made such a deal to myself. We gathered, we ate (fried chicken and really great fixins), we talked, I asserted by expectation that the group would meet in my home for July, we played Buzzwords, and I gave everyone a bookmark from the Memorial Service. For all my fears and trepidation, I realized this too was also my safe place, a "security blanket". As we left, I found out why I had not yet heard about contributions to the Margaret Gandy Scholarship, and how very pleased everyone was to see me there.
I had decided to walk because anytime Margaret and I were at a gathering, particularly if either of us had some responsibility, we would "take it down" -- look for the good things that happened, the funny things, the improvements we could make in our own performance, and what we believed would be the next step based on what had happened during the gathering. This was important to us -- mostly because it gave us opportunity to strengthen our bond and affirm our love and support for each other. Don't know that I will ever have conversations like that again -- and now I know that doing that alone and in my own head sucks!
Marcia arrives tomorrow at 6pm so we'll spend the weekend together. What a great gift!
No comments:
Post a Comment