All day, it felt like I should be doing something. Nancy came early because this was her only job today. While she was still here I decided to leave, with no particular destination in mind. Ended up going to the Sweetbay supermarket on Gandy, and picked up two or three things to complement a picnic for Labor Day.
Last night was rough. For the last two or three nights I have awakened at about two o'clock and for the last two nights was not able to get back to sleep for a couple of hours. Last night I finally got up about four, came out and puttered in the kitchen and then decided to watch a movie, and never did get back to sleep. Subsequently most of today was spent in a somewhat drowsy mode–not finding anything to do that lasted very long and bouncing from one task to another. Most of the day I had a tickle in my throat that caused a dry cough and I could not tell if may be a husk from some of the popcorn that I've fixed in the early morning hours might have gotten in my throat, or was the product of the CPAP drying out my airway.
Could I say that there was something on my mind that kept me awake–no. Is this just an unexpected feature of where I am in grieving? Is this just part of the adjustment to the CPAP machine? Because my nose has been runny and my chest producing mucus, do I have some kind of flu process going on? That's pretty much how the time from four clock until daylight went. I was caught up in the reality of having all of this going through my mind and did not have anyone to talk to about it right then but I kept bumping in to the reality that the oneI trusted to help me in these times was not here. That is a damnable reality that I keep bumping into, and each time I do, it does not seem to get any less painful.
Tomorrow I get to discuss my long list of items with Dr. Whitaker. Perhaps he will help me see a larger picture that can be more reassuring than right now. Tomorrow will bring the expected arrival of my new hub, plans for the upcoming weeks for BLOCK and Hyde Park DSP and the Board meeting at Regency Cove to confirm the DSP at that location. And I am in hopes that my ears will come back from the factory working correctly. Perhaps after a sleepless night and a not very meaningful day, this is just the low spot before the it's time to get busy and active and exercising. Just to hedge my bet, I just took two Tylenol PM that will hopefully help me sleep.
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