Most of yesterday was spent getting the software that I'm using right now installed so that I could dictate these messages. I am still in a training mode, and hope that this will serve to make it possible to record thoughts during the day and then do a final edit in the evening.
About mid-afternoon Renée called and said that Joshua's test results were back and they were all clear! It is really amazing to realize how the possibility of serious outcomes will not go out of my head and just float around in the background. Of course that also contributes to not wanting to get much done. Renée had suggested that they might come by since they had a break before going to the Cancer Center, but tonight was couples club night and I was in the process of getting ready to go to that meeting. So I missed a chance to see Josh and Jarrod and Renée, much to my regret.
CNN had a story today about Stephen Hawking's new book stating his position that it was not necessary for God to touch off a spark that started our world. What I find so fascinating is that this is the “God is dead” idea resurfacing again after about 50 years. I do not know if Mr. Hawking's intent was to use this idea as a way to ensure that his books sold or as a means of trying to establish one more time the fact that we as human beings insist that everything about our world is somehow limited to space, place and time. Mr. Hawking makes a great point that there are many dimensions in the total universe and that we as a group of people spend far more energy in trying to justify our limited existence rather than consider a less limited way of viewing the world -- which is somehow threatening. Sure do wish there was a dormitory “bullpen” still available to try out some of these ideas and get a dialog started.
What I find most fascinating is that just as I am struggling myself to understand what it means to no longer have Margaret's physical presence here that I still experience her and her spirit and I have no markers, other than a few fragile words to try to articulate exactly what the experiences are. I know what I am experiencing and feeling. I just run out of words. The only thing that makes any kind of sense-and nonsense–is that I am dealing in another mode of being that we call spirit that is without time without shape and without form. So because of my own limited humanness I may be able to speculate that this dimension is real but my reality markers have to include space, place and time and so I'm in a bind. I am stuck with a limited concept of philosophy (which after all is our human way of trying to be able to explain everything). If there is comfort at this point, I am aware of that throughout the history of humankind there have been notable people who came to the same juncture. I'm at the juncture, I'm not notable, and I'm not sure where this is going. It is really a great trip, though.
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