It has been floating around in my head for some time now. Mc got me started when he told me that when my sister died, "the curtain dropped on [my] future". He said that in the context of telling me that after a year, he could handle the big things, it was the day-to-day he just couldn't handle. (His call was to tell me he was getting remarried).
I realized that most of the personal work I am doing now is like that -- trying to build a future without benefit of a life partner. Sure, I have 75 years of experience to draw on -- albeit mostly involving a significant other -- mother, sister, maid, brother, brother-in-law.... What I don't have -- except in very limited ways -- is experience standing on my own and handling the day-by-day issues of living. Yes, I can create or join groups or activities where others are involved: it's not the same.
Then, in a long conversation with Lee today, I realized that now in his mid-forties, he is facing the task of building his future -- and that future has with him his wife and two minor sons. He has a lot of experience to draw on -- and he has to make the definition that will work for him. He has spent so much of his life being concerned with what others think and trying to emulate what he thinks others want him to be. As we talked I celebrated the possibility that he can tune into his wide-ranging experience and knowledge and create a future using all of those things as an expression of himself. I assured him that if he would stand up for the guy I know (behind all those demands to be what others perceive), not only will he craft an important and fulfilling future, those who depend on him will gladly and enthusiastic follow.
Then I thought of Christian, who is struggling with his future and the seeming polarity of what produces financial security and what he really wants to do. I am afraid that, like his father, he is overlooking -- right now -- that strong, creative, skilled and intelligent being he is that has the ability to strike a balance between the demands of others and his own growing sense of worth.
As I sat back down at the computer to write this (I have been on the computer all day with DSP), and looked at Joshua's story, two things really struck me. First, Jarrod completed his advanced Mindstorm camp today -- his father was there to celebrate the closing competition -- and showed so many signs of getting himself together to take himself appropriately into the future. He has the advantage of still being in the place that anything is not only possible, there is a lot of probable in there.
Second, in the blog (joshuagandy.blogspot.com) Lee relates one of those golden moments for a parent -- particularly a cancer parent. Josh asked why there was a picture of him on the dash of the car. Lee replied "to remind me of what is most important". After a few thoughtful moments, Josh asked "...'Do you think I will beat cancer?' My [Lee's] throat tightened up as I responded 'I have no doubt.' Joshua said, 'If I can stand up to my big brother then I am strong enough to beat cancer.' 'Yes',I said, 'you definitely are strong enough.' Such is the profound wisdom of an eight year old cancer survivor."
The future is in good hands for all generations.
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