Day 70 -- Is it Monday or a holiday?

A really strange day.  Took care of some business, prepared for mailing, then about mid-afternoon remembered that the Mail carriers were on holiday today.  Switched focus to the details of the Safe Driver Course when I got Anna's email.  She is designating me as the Instructor for the Hyde Park UMC course -- next one an all day on Jul 26.  Got the course materials ordered (by fax), chatted with Lee about getting the manual on PowerPoint, and believe I know how that is going to happen.  Just need to experiment a little with the movie sections.  As part of that, updated MS Office on the upstairs computer.  Talked to Betty Crislip -- about the pickles, and the SHARE FAQ. Good conversation.  Also checked in with Bill Bach -- offered some of the equipment we got for Margaret.  Ester is doing well -- just going to take time to heal -- and they have already been given assistive equipment.  Also had a chance to get Bill caught up from the brunch.  Larry (next door) had Chris come over to talk about the front yard.  Larry had promised to tell him I needed his help.  Came up with a plan -- now I need to talk to Christian to see if I can get him to help me -- it will be sequenced over several weeks.  If Christian can be available as he has been in the past, that will fit the plan just right. 
Nothing specific reminded me -- I just know that a permanent part of my being is missing Margaret.  In getting ready for the Sleep Study (tomorrow night) I had to give an emergency contact name.  First time that has happened.  I got accustomed to naming Lee and Marcia as beneficiaries;  when I got to that line on the form, I realized that is another one of those routine things that are now permanently changed.  I guess what makes these discoveries so hard is they all underscore there are no "do-overs" or "later".  The content is not the issue, it is the helplessness, regret, "if only", and "I shoulda, coulda, woulda" that rips through, unannounced and naked -- and it is only getting a tiny bit better as that becomes a more familiar occurrence.   Funny thing -- that syndrome can be unleashed if I just decide to read for recreation.  Strange.  I can only guess it all has to do with making unilateral decisions about what is best for me, and what I really want to do with the rest of my life.  And that reminds me that I always thought  Margaret and I would always be together -- never together alone.  That's hard to live out -- and I keep finding how poorly prepared I am.