Sat down about 3 Pink Panther cartoons ago. I was looking up a site that Marcia gave me -- to find a "power tool drag race" to see if there was any hint what the race is about. I did -- and it didn't have a clue. Accidentally saw a reference to a movie that looks interesting, Hulu gadget did not work on my browser so I went to the real thing. Happened to click on comedy, and there was the Pink Panther. I have a hard time resisting anything by Blake Edwards (the cartoons) and cannot resist the Peter Sellers version of the Pink Panther. Three cartoons rolled by, the computer announced the time, and I realized I had been distracted enough.
Went by the Sleep Center today -- tried out two masks -- really liked the "lip pillow", and was amazed at the effect that CPAP had on my body. The had me stretch out and rest while I tried the masks. I told the nurse that I believe my expectations far exceed the reality of what this process will do for me. She was very kind, and encouraged me to have high expectations. I go back next Monday night to sleep while they tweak the pressure to just right for me, we order the equipment the next morning, and then probably Bay Care will deliver asap. Then I will have a new bedroom companion. If it just stops the night sweats, I will be way ahead and quite happy. Any other benefits will just be serendipities. From what I have been told, I can expect many serendipities!
Sent Danny a note, telling him I would be using the distilled water he left here in my CPAP. I'm looking forward to exchanging stories about our masks and any benefit they accrue.
Talked to Marcia about her birthday. Lordy -- Marcia is over 40! Anyway, she had a great idea for a gift. Now all I need to do is recruit Jarrod and Josh to join me in making up a story or card to send to her. I think that is going to be fun -- and Marcia is OK about the gift being a little late. I momentarily thought about hopping on a Southwest flight to Columbus, take Marcia and Aaron out to dinner for Marcia' birthday (with Graeter's Ice Cream for dessert) and then come right back here for my Sleep Study appointment. Only problem -- I could not get the schedule to work in my favor. So creating a card is a best Plan B.
I'm beginning to get some objectivity about this whole grief experience. Still apparently have a ways to go, but I am realizing that I am doing some of the same things that I have seen family members do. And part of that is a change in the way to look at what others do. More than ever before, I can much more easily make an observation (of whatever is going on) and realize that I have no need to defend or qualify my observation. Realizing that others are going to do what is best for themselves based on their view of reality, I am gaining confidence in accepting me where I am without any need to observe, comment, or even understand any point of view I am offered. If fact, it is a lot more fun to just accept what I am given and keep only what I want. Maybe that attitude will be of great help in getting rid of a lot of the "laters" laying around this house. The more I create space and have orderliness, the better I like it, and find it easier to accept the fact that the future those "laters" were accumulated for will never happen. Probably won't be completely successful until I am more confident in what my new future is.
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