Day 67 -- A day much slower

After spending the two days consumed with getting the Couples Club meeting ready and with the success of the evening, today was a slow day -- take care of one or two pending details, resting, then another detail.  The house is not back in order -- but that has been true for the last 6 months. 
I cannot say enough about how proud and impressed I am with Jarrod.  Yes, he is my grandson, and I am very biased.  The response of the members of the Couples Club, the compliments they had for him -- during the entire evening -- watching his function as a maturing young man, confirmed the accuracy of my observations.  Jarrod is awesome!  And he is way ahead of his age in his gracious acceptance of the notice from adults -- and his own personal commitment to getting his job done!  He was so gracious to leave me 1/2 of the pizza he made.  He pronounced it good -- I agree, and add that it is a league to compete with Ceasar"s.
I didn't write last night.  Lee got my back up disk hooked up to the network, and after they left, it was still doing its thing; I was tired after a very full and fulfilling day, so I decided to just log the two days togther.
I know the problem with the decisions is that there tends to be more summary -- and therefore less words.  Come to think of it, it's probably better that way -- and does reinforce my resolve to get more accurate and less wordy.
I am frequently asked how I doing.  My answer is some version of "I think very well".  It has been long enough, and I am beginning to understand Mc's statement about having difficulty with the daily details.  There were so many things about the Couples Club meeting that I wanted to turn to Margaret and comment on something that was said or done -- something that was appreciated or discovered.  I was really longing to know how she thought I did with the tables, the menu, the serving, the game:  so many details that was part of our treasuring our participation in the group and part of that very private sharing that was ours alone.  It is like there is just this big void that my own enjoyment or opinion or viewpoint -- told to myself -- that can't be filled.  It is as if there is still some energy from the grieving process that makes that void seem less noticeable most of the time.  This blog does help cover the void -- and as I write, I am acutely aware that this is now a public document.  It works partially -- but only to cover, not heal or eliminate the void.  I am learning is a void that is now a part of my life, and my only choice is to figure out how to live with it.  My struggle right now is trying to find something other than doing nothing when that void makes itself known.  For me, that's the hardest part.