The day started early. Woke up about 4am and could not get back to sleep. So I got up. I had been reminding myself to be sure and take the BLOCK exam for the course I finished last week -- maybe that woke me up? Anyway, did that -- took it twice, got a 100. Did some other stuff around the house until it got light -- did a morning routine. Had breakfast and then brushed my teeth. Strange. Coffee tastes funny right after toothpaste. Decided I was going to work in the back yard for an hour -- got the branches that came down last week off the Pecan tree cut up and put in the ard trash buckets. Only got about 15 minutes to do the job -- it rained.
Came in, got showered, etc., and went to talk with Bob and Shirley S. about the DSP. As I was leaving the house, I realized I had not been outside for the previous two days. The meeting with Bob and Shirley was good -- they want to facilitate their community board becoming sponsors of the DSP. Looks like it could end up being a quarterly program -- maybe even monthly. Left them and went to Target to pick up items I've had on the list for a while. When I left there, I decided to go have a late lunch at Lynn Love's restaurant on McDill. Had a chance to chat with Lynn. The Bar and Grill is looking good!
Got home, tried to make a disc of the AARP film for sponsors. Realized I only had CD's so I would need to pick up some DVD's. Lee came by and we had a very good visit. After he left, I ran up to Walgreens (third time outside today!) and picked up some discs. Anytime I think my struggle with learning to go on alone, all I have to do is look at what Lee is facing, and the struggle he is having in so many arenas. What I see as a struggle is still that for me -- and I wish I could somehow just throw it off and make things OK for my son. I can't make decisions and choices for him -- I can cheer as he does and do whatever I can to assure him that no matter what, I'm in his corner. He is still my hero!
Tomorrow, Jarrod is coming in with Lee and the three of us are going to celebrate Margaret's birthday by trying a new "German Bistro" that is having its grand opening. I guess it is part of where I am, but there is this feeling that somehow, if I'm not careful, Margaret's memory will disappear. I know the facts -- it's this feeling and lump in my throat that comes when I think of doing anything that actively smacks of Margaret not being here. The easiest thing seems to be to do nothing. I think my only choice is to proactively go through the experiences, albeit reluctantly. So we go out tomorrow to have a meal and raise a glass to the love of my life.
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