Day 4 -- A whole day alone

Thought Debbie would check in today and/or be here.  Called to find out -- she reminded me that today was only a check-in.  I had been scaring myself about (or putting off) doing some pruning in the back yard.  Went out anyway, even though no one knew what I was doing (very unusual) and started working on the Oleanders (bitten by the freeze).  Sitting in my plastic chair was cumbersome, and then I thought of the scooter that needed use.  Discovered it  is a very secure way to get to the plants, prune them and move around a lot.
Funny about being alone all day.  Got some bills paid, bushes trimmed, a couple of phone calls, read the mail.  Loneliness came in funny forms: sometimes it seemed as if Margaret would be here soon,  sometimes it was as if the best thing to do is turn on the tube and sleep, sometimes it was to get excited about meeting with the Bereavement Coordinator (funny title) at Lifepath Hospice to discover what resources are available.  Maybe I'm learning how to let loneliness be a friend -- that seems pretty paradoxical right now.
Thought about going over to the beach with the kids, but when I realized some of their extended family would be there with them, I chose to stay here.  I am discovering that at meal times, I really prefer fixing my own meal (there is still a lot of refrigerator to eat!).  Eating alone at home is far preferable to eating alone at a restaurant.  I think that means the attractiveness of eating out is having someone to share the experience.  I guess I'm not willing to trust myself without some reassurance of a familiar structure.  I look forward to that changing.
Designed and printed some note paper today.  There are a number of notes that I want to write.  Thanks goodness, Marcia is taking care of the bulk of thank-you notes right now.
Awoke very early, worked at staying in the moment, connected with growing things -- hopefully helping them -- perked up the spathiphyllum, azalea and trimmed the jasmine.  Nice way to cooperate with living things.  Maybe that is what I have meant in the past about joining the land of the living.